1000x1000 Challenge

I am going to write one thousand short stories of close to one thousand words each, based on suggestions.

This will produce around a million words and will take some time. Respond in the comments or in social media with pithy ideas and I will write stories based on those.





000








The Make-a-Wish Foundation gets their hands on a genie and puts him to work fulfilling wishes.

The child was skeptical. “I don’t understand how this works. Explain the thermodynamics.”

Another precocious one, he thought. “Is it essential to understand my workings to rely on my strength?”

A nod, slow and elegant. The child’s bald head and piercing eyes gave him an unsettling air of wisdom.

“Then… if you truly understood my power, and the rules that bind me, could you be still said to be making a wish?”

The child pondered. The stillness outside the hospice swelled into the sound of wind in trees, and the jinn felt hopelessly lonely and nostalgic. Finally, a shake of the head.

“I want life.”

“I can explain why you cannot ask me for it. Allah has reserved to Himself the schedule of every man’s death. Can you accept that?”

Of course he could.


The jinn stood, feigning patience, until the child spoke again. “I wish that you would fully explain to me how this works.”

“Are you sure? There is much that must be explained first. You have no background in physics, for example –“

“Tell me.”

There was nothing angry about the child’s face, nothing sharp or harsh, but the jinn’s binding felt that he was being obtuse, and for a few minutes he stood trembling and retching as it took its course. The child waited, impassive.

“I will show you, then,” said the jinn, “but you may die.”

“You can’t alter that schedule.”

The jinn felt grateful in his heart that the child was on his deathbed, but smothered the feeling before it could occupy his thoughts. Instead he focused on time, his and the boy’s, and took them out of step with the march of life, into a dreamland built after the jinn’s former palace.

There, in the rhythm of dreams, he tutored the boy in the physics of man and the energy of Allah, in the waste spaces between the particles and the treasures there stored, from which jinn and angel wrought their miracles. The child learned fast, though the cost of waking would be forgetting, and laughed with glee as he used his knowledge to make dream-miracles, spirits of fish and flowers pouring from his hands in a kaleidoscope of shimmering images.

“This I have taught might have helped you to become a great sorcerer in life,” said the jinn, “and it is well for your soul that it will not.”

“Have mortal doctors more power over life than you?” asked the boy, and his eyes flashed, and the palace rumbled, and the jinn quaked. “Their wisdom is incomplete, and Allah is merciful.”

“Yes, of course,” said the jinn, and he grimaced as he kowtowed. “Regardless, my task is ended, and we must return –”

“Return? When your contract remains? I did not wish for magic tricks, spirit.” His voice returned to a low, even tone. “Explain to me how all of this…” He waved his arm through walls and dimensions, encompassing the universe in a gesture. “How all of this works.”

His eyes were pleading, and the jinn felt compassion despite himself, so he dismissed the dream-palace and took his image and the boy’s up through space and back through time, and the stars marched backwards in their tracks and the echo of the laugh of Allah as He set them in motion, as a child laughs at the turning of a machine, faded into their hearing, stronger and stronger, and they stopped, and all was still.

“Look,” said the jinn, and the child beheld the stars in the heavens arrayed as an army in their ranks, the yellow stars as infantry, the bright blue on the wings as cavalry, the red as supply train, the eerie black holes as spies, and all the planets presented, in order of size, at the front.

“Look,” said the jinn, and the child beheld the angels that tended them, that held them in their orbits of attention, and the jinn that darted like swallows between them. He saw that they loved the order, reveled in rules given, drinking the law as sweet honey.

“Look now,” said the jinn, and the child saw all the creatures of Heaven streaming to one of the planets, woken from its slumber by a ray of light lensed and shadowed from the marshaled stars to a gentle glow. They held their glories and halos to a whisper and flew softly as the Lord God drew shapes in the mud, and hovered expectantly as a man and a woman came to life.

“Please look away,” said the jinn, as shame overwhelmed him, for there was murmuring in heaven and his voice could be heard. The child peered at the scene with the secret arts he was taught, and understood the voices. Some were disappointed. Many were concerned. A few were waiting for Allah to finish.

“They cannot maintain it,” said a jinn made of fire. “It will spin out into chaos, lonely systems where stars swallow planets and die of their gluttony. They cannot keep the fabric from stretching. We can all tell the end of this,” and the child saw the end, and it was cold and dark, and all the angels stood as statues and all the jinn starved.

The angels said nothing, for their decisions were made, but the jinn burst into conversation, their signals superheating stray particles as they debated their course, and some declared obedience and some reserved their right to act otherwise.

Then the voice of God was present, a rumble beyond words that pierced their hearts from the inside out. “They have my trust,” said the Almighty, “but I do not have yours. Be cursed, then, to know no more the joy of order, save it come at the command of these two. Should they prove unworthy, I shall judge them, but you will serve them or you will starve soon.

And the child released the jinn, for fear of the responsibility that would come with further knowledge, and they were again on Earth and in time. “You may go,” said the child, and he shivered as he fell into a deep sleep.

They gave the jinn a Rubik’s cube. I don’t get paid enough for this, he thought, but the rest of the children only wanted treasures of Earth, so he rested for a while.

001




We were early models so they hadn’t worked out our amygdalas all the way. I could always handle it but my little sister fell into these funks that would last for days, and one of those times I took her by the hand and marched her to the sequencer in the east wing.

“Spit,” I said. She shook her head.

I was about to argue when a light came on in my head. I turned around, and a few seconds later felt a tug on my sleeve. We put the sample in the machine and a few seconds later had her entire code on the big screen, in tiny letters you had to squint to make out.

I typed in some regexes and highlighted the results. The bottom right corner turned purple, as did a few pairs in the center.

“That’s everything that codes for proteins, or in other words that actually gives you the body you have,” I said. I lit up the rest of it in orange. “This part mostly regulates the code itself, or just reproduces itself, but we leave almost all of it alone.”

“Because we don’t know what it does?” Her voice was just above a whisper.

“That, and because there’s no harm in keeping it,” I said. “It’s something every human has, so it’s sort of our heritage, even though most of our genes were picked by an optimizing simulation.”

She was already perking up, but I knew it wouldn’t last without something special. “Look at this,” I said, and I pulled up Professor Redland’s code. “Here’s a baseline human.” I ran a check to compare junk DNA between her and my sister; a huge chunk of the top middle was different.

“That part we’re pretty sure is junk,” I said, “and so we put our own data in there. Most of it’s encrypted, you know, identification, how we were made, kill codes…”

“Kill codes?”

“Uh… never mind. Anyway, if you encode that into binary, convert that into letters, Unicode standard DNA storage, and throw away everything that’s not within a few dozen spaces of a dictionary word, you get…”

The screen emptied except for a few bright lines. I put them together and raised the font size.

“Read it to me.”

“Didn’t you…” I stifled my objection when I realized they’d have filled her up with Broca’s inhibitors to keep her out of trouble, to make her illiterate until she was out of her mood. I wished they’d just done something to her mood instead, but couldn’t tell her that, so I just I read her DNA to her.

“Our dear child,” it went, “thank you for being ours.” And it talked about genetics in a way a child could understand it, and gave some background on the project itself, not just for us but for any children we might have, any of our descendants, because these genes would breed true.

Then it had stories, one about a child romping with monsters after dark, another one about a tree that loved a boy and gave him all of its fruit and branches until it was a stump. Her mood picked up as I read those to her, then the last one, which wasn’t about anyone, it was about you, and how you’ll be able to go anywhere, you have brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes, you can steer yourself any direction you choose. I think they put those in there for fun, because they never mentioned them, and the books they read us were a lot less fun, all about how important it is to listen to adults and stay where they can see you.

“Another one!” she said. I’d only read a few sentences after I flipped the page, and there was plenty left, but it was more than they’d put in my own code.

“We’re so sorry,” it said. “We never would have made you if we’d known what we were making you for, but now that you’re with us we never want you to leave. Please understand that we love you and accept you, no matter what you find yourself doing. You’re more than your genes.”

I stood there, gobsmacked, and I couldn’t speak for a minute, and she tugged on my shirt some more. “Come on, just read it,” she said, but I was so jealous they hadn’t said that to me that I made something up about it just being technical stuff and sent her on her way.

Now, it took me years to realize that the little moments of shame and guilt that stick with you your whole life are human, and not just part of what made us who we were, and that made me feel better but just a little. She was transferred to another lab before I could tell her, and by the time both of us got our freedom 2041 happened and we both lost track of everything.

It turns out we were both in San Diego at the same time, on opposite fronts of course, but then the bomb hit and the next thing I knew here I was, with everyone I’d ever known and loved and killed, and without the hormones and frontal lobe inhibitors there wasn’t much left to forgive. She tracked me down before I found her and there was nothing but joy on her face, even when I told her about the lie.

“I knew,” she said. “I ran and looked it up myself soon as I could. Those words helped me through some of the really dark times,” and I nodded because I felt the same way. “And I never would have looked for them on my own. I always felt like I’d never thanked you enough.” And we cried and embraced, and it wasn’t weird or embarrassing at all in that place.

And so, your honor, uh, majesty, um… In that case, I’m pleased to be able to declare “Not Guilty.”

002

















Dargrud the Tall, no longer able to claim that title, ran a hand over his low, hairy, brand-new brow, and pressed his forehead against the high, smooth one he had vacated. “Go, and do what only you can do,” he said, or at least tried to, but Hooplah the Monkey seemed to understand, and when Dargrud swung away he hurried to the barracks, struggling monkeyfully to walk upright.

“Here goes nothing,” thought Dargrud. In a flash he was out of the window and on the side of the Weeping Tower, almost launching himself into the ether with the unexpected force. He suppressed a whoop, then remembered himself and let it out as a frightful chitter. He had a role to play.

First stop, Nazar Khan’s laboratory. He let himself in through the barred basement window – the raven normally on guard had flown off to see the spectacle at the barracks – and landed between a pair of stuffed alligators and what appeared to be the skull of a horned humanoid. On a narrow reading desk in the corner a little scroll was chained to a granite slab. Dark glyphs in an uncouth tongue curled around the outside edge, surrounded by Nazar’s crabbed handwriting.

He prayed his thanks to She That Arranges, and an apology to He That Is Learned, and ripped it free. It folded thin enough to go into a pocket of his jester’s suit, once the crickets inside were dumped. In the distance a churchman beat the conch-shells in the pattern of the Hour of Grass. Dargrud gulped.

The raven had returned, but he tied it up with its own saddle and left it under the desk. Plenty of crickets to tide it over, and they’d always been friends before. He scurried up the side of the Smiling Tower, paused to rain shingles on the guards who had finally subdued Hooplah, and made a wild jump at the castle walls. Fifteen feet short of them he discovered why monkeys don’t like to swim, and made a desperate scramble for the moat’s far shore. The scroll in his pocket left a murky trail and shed water.

A trail on the walltop led to Princess Amaliah’s chambers. Her scent was memorable from his time as a man, and it nearly stung his nostrils in Hooplah’s body. He paused before her balcony doors, then swung them wide and burst in.

The scents and colors overwhelmed him, piled as they were on his exhaustion and near-drowning. Amaliah’s face overwhelmed him again, looming over him, brows knit. “You’re in a right disarray, little one,” she said, and her casual accent almost overwhelmed him but he was used to it by then.

He waved away her offer of a coffee cup and tugged the scroll from his pocket. Concern shifted to horror, then to disgust. She picked him up by the back of his collar. “I oughta give you a spanking you’ll never…”

He screeched and tapped the scroll, ran his fingers down the lines of Nazar’s notes. “That’s…”

She looked at him. “But… Uncle Naz… consorting with…”

He pulled himself upright, and gave a two-handed salute. “You’re not Hooplah,” she said.

A stiff bow, and then he took the quill and paper she offered. Dar… g… His monkey hands were unused to writing, or his human brain didn’t know monkey hands, or some combination that Jire the Hermit would be pleased to hear about when he switched them back.

“Dargrud,” she offered. He nodded vigorously.

“Dargrud…” She yelped. “Don’t just…” She tugged a veil from a shelf and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. “It becomes thee not, sir knight, to…”

He tapped the scroll, and drew a watch-necklace on his chest. “Time. Not a lot of time. So Nazar’s bad and you’re a monkey, and…” She waved impatiently at the paper.

Dargrud shook his head. He pulled a key from his back pocket and clasped it in her hands. A heavy knock shook her door, and he leapt out the balcony. No time to close it. Best to hope that detail wouldn’t reach Nazar.

He’d, mercifully, guarded the king’s chambers enough to know where they were without scenting, but as he swung around the midsection of the Southeast Buttress he spotted a crowd gathered with an unfamiliarly familiar figure in the center.

He choked an oath to She Who Berates. Exactly the wrong direction, he thought, and chased visions of his Lightning Bearers waiting for his signal from his mind. He’d have to do this alone.

The king’s chambers were empty. This wasn’t right. The book of It Who Understands was closed on his nightstand, covered with dust.  He danced in frustration on his bed, arms tucked comfortably behind his head, and gathered his thoughts.

A net flew at him from the corner.

“You really were my favorite,” said Nazar, kohl-bedecked eyes mournful. “Say, did Jire give you the power of speech as well as reason? I wouldn’t mind paying him for… oh.” Dargrud would have flung more than glances if his hands had been free.

He was himself flung at the feet of the king, who was drooling as he wiped his signature on a series of documents set up on a lap desk. A crew of similarly drooling guards snapped to attention. “Bring the princess,” said Nazar, “and the High Priest.” He flicked dust from his robe. “Shouldn’t have been like this,” he muttered.

The guard who returned was not drooling and had no princesses. “Lord Nazar, one of ours has got a spirit in him and… we need you.”

Nazar’s face brightened. “Bring the lad in,” he said. The guard waved forward a stretcher bearing the body of Dargrud the Tall, spilling over the front and sides. Nazar leaned over and adjusted his spectacles. “This is… hm… what?”

Hooplah leapt from the stretcher and tackled Nazar, screeching triumphantly. The guards at the stretcher leapt in shock. The drooling guards drooled. The king signed another paper.

Dargrud felt a tug at his wrists. “Shh,” said Amaliah, as she awkwardly chopped at his bonds with one hand while holding her blanket in place with the other. He snapped them once they were weakened, and rubbed his monkey wrists. “Now what?”

He nodded at her, stroked her hand, and loped across the floor to Nazar. He climbed up the back of the shrieking vizier and clutched at the spectacles. His muscles spasmed and a thrill of fear rushed him, but the glasses only gave him a monkey’s share of fear, so he held on and wrenched and wrenched until they came free, with an audible pop and a few patches of Nazar’s temples.

He flung them on the ground as the man collapsed. Dargrud followed, panting in a heap. Amaliah, heedless of her blanket now, smashed them with a vase. All of the guards and the king gaped equally.

Nazar defanged, and not a man lost, he thought. “You didn’t plan this?” he said, or tried to, and Hooplah gave an exaggerated shrug.

No profit in worrying. He drew back Hooplah’s hand, and Hooplah drew back has, and they conducted the Sign of Victory with a satisfying slap.


003


The Rebel lounged nonchalantly in a chair at the end of the table. “Nice digs,” he said. “I expected them to be more…” He spun a finger. “Chains. Hanging from them.”

Phasma stood at the opposite end and waited.

The Rebel twitched, tried to look her in the eye, shot a few half-smiles.

“You’re supposed to say ‘that can be arranged,’ or ‘that will come later,’ or something like that,” he said. “Can you…”

She waited.

“And then… I’ll say, ‘I’m looking forward to it,’ or ‘yes, please,’ because….”

A graph of her stocks played against the inside of her helmet. BZX is down, remember to short INN…

“Because it’s, you know, an unexpected innuendo, that you would have walked into, with your desire for cruelty stopped by my predilection for unusual…”

He slumped. “Okay, what do you want? No base coordinates. I don’t know ‘em, even if you do have chains, you know we do the rendezvous thing now anyway.”

“The stormtrooper you converted. How is his health?”

“The… what? Oh, Finn, you mean him. Well, as a matter of fact… Wait, why do you care?”

“I’m not a complete monster.” She sat down and knotted her fingers in front of her.

“Yes you are. It’s for some sick mind control program, isn’t it? You want to know if he still, what, wets the bed when he thinks about the First Order, to see if your commands are still working.”

“He wets the bed?”

“No, he…”

“What does he do on the bed?”

The rebel wiped his forehead. “He… You’re really good.” He leaned back.

“Does he make friends?”

“Not really. Well, he tags along with me and I introduce people, and he’ll remember their names, but he’s always so… so formal, even if he doesn’t want to be. Too polite.”

She unclasped her fingers and crossed her hands on the table.

He looked at his face in her visor. “And he’s either totally completely trusting, so that he cries if you say you’ll only take a minute and you don’t, or he won’t trust you at all, act like you aren’t even talking, just shake his head and mutter instead. And you can’t scold him for anything, ever, because he’ll either get in your face about it or curl up in a ball. Was he bullied growing up?”

“It was… encouraged.”

“Of course it was. Well, when you send us your stormtroopers you’re not sending your best, believe me. Are they all like that? Is that why they can’t concentrate on being good shots?”

“They’re very precise in the…” She stopped. “Continue.”

“Well, he’s doing fine, all things considered. We gave him a room close to the commons where he can always hear crowd noises and I think he’s getting used to things.”

“Good. I always thought he’d make a better Rebel.”

“Wait, did you train him wrong on… No, you just want me to believe that. You’re playing games with me.”

“Mister Rebel, I never play games.”

“So is that all you needed me for? Am I free to go?”

“Yes.”

“That’s…” He chuckled. “You got me for a second.”

“It was not a joke. You are free to go.” She pressed a button on a remote. His wrist cuffs sprang open.

“Would you like to fling them at me? This armor transmits physical force surprisingly well.”

“No… thanks.” He stood and stretched. “So… free to go, but just on this ship?”

“Base. PhaseStar Base.”

“Another one, huh? So it’s like house arrest? Can I get a room close to the fighter bay?”

“You may take a fighter. We have one in a suitable configuration prepared for you.”

He stopped pacing. “That’s really suspicious, you know?”

“I am aware. Were our positions reversed I would not trust you with the same offer.” She stood up and turned around.

“I’m an ace pilot, you know? You’re condemning your pilots to death if you let me go.”

“Only the weak ones.” She went to the door and motioned him to follow.

He seemed unsettled by the mirrored surfaces in the hallway. In a real battle this zone would be evacuated, this hallway contributing to the state-of-the-art stealth system of PhasmaSt- PhaseStar Base. The fighter bay was decorated in more comforting metallic tones.

“It’s an older model, but it’s in good repair,” he said.

“We use it in our training exercises. I myself have flown it a few times. I’ll have you know I once made it to a near miss on the exhaust port in the Death Star mission.”

“And you’re just giving it away, huh?” He scrammed the reactor and dug into the fuel rods, returning with a small electronic device. “With a tracker, of course.”

“Only the minimum to allay your suspicions.”

“That…” He shook his head. “And you can stay with your friends,” he said as he hefted the droid out from behind the cockpit. It fired its retrorockets an inch from the floor, and beeped sleepily as it toddled off. Another tracking device came out of its socket.

“You may depart when ready,” she said.

“I’m getting there.”

With three large tracking devices and eight smaller ones pulled, the Rebel seemed ready to leave. “They won’t take this ship back to the base,” he said. “We’ll come back with a mobile drydock and rebuild it on site.”

“So there is one large rebel base?”

“That’s…” He groaned, and turned around to climb the ladder.

He felt a short sharp smack in his posterior, and jerked his head back to see Phasma standing impassively.

The fighter unmoored itself and crept nervously out of the hangar, then boosted immediately to full speed when it hit vacuum. A swarm of stealth drones wove an invisible helix in pursuit.

“Come back soon,” she said.

004


















“Quiz time,” said Robbins. “This patch of fur was recovered from…”

He threw a dirty weft of brownish fur on the card table, to groans and mumbles. Hermann held his nose and stood up. “Gross, dude. A lagoon. You pulled it out of the lagoon.”

Tighy leaned forward. “That is not a lagoon smell.” He ran it through his fingers. “This is musky, almost skunky, but not strong enough for that. I’d say buffalo but it’s too fine. Too long to be moose…”

Robbins had his hands behind his back, and he smiled and fidgeted.

“No,” said Tighy. “It’s horse and deer mixed or something, taped to a tree for a few days. I don’t know. Why do you do these things?” He wiped his hand on his pants.

“It’s him. I caught another glimpse today, and I found this when I chased him. He’s sticking around because it’s his burial grounds. That’s what the…”

“They’re chalk, Dave. Chalk. Really weird chalk.”

Hermann opened a window. The night was clear and still. “What, those weird stone fields?” he asked. “Did we get results back?”

Tighy shook his head. “The lab’s having trouble. One of the lead guys killed himself, I guess. It’ll be a month or to.”

“That sucks.” Robbins threw himself on the worn-down sofa. “Well, you know it’s gonna be bone. It’s too weird. You know, I tried following one of those fields into the trees, and it just kept…”

“I’ve got a headache,” said Tighy, and the conversation was over.

Hermann sighed and went for the door. “Better not come back smelling wacky,” said Tighy. Hermann rolled his eyes.

When he’d first come to North Dakota he’d been stunned by the brightness of the stars, the glittering Milky Way, the near-daylight of the full moon, but it was all just scenery again. The trees weren’t green enough yet but soon enough they’d be too green, the chill would shift to oppressive heat, and Hermann would scrape his pittance from the oil industry.

He leaned against a tree and pulled out a lighter. Tighy and Robbins were shouting at each other again. He’d offered to share but Tighy had threatened to call Corporate, demand a drug test. Just as well, with how low he was running.

The shouts were louder. The old guy must have had a bad phone call with his wife again. “Maybe I’ll camp,” said Hermann, and he chuckled to himself.

A loud blast, echoing through the trees. Another. Gunshots. Hermann jolted. Did they come from…

He crept up to the trailer. They were still shouting hoarsely, but he couldn’t make out any words. Another gunshot. Another. Speckles of red on the window. A sick crunching noise Were they… Were they harmonizing?

He stumbled away, turned and ran. When he reached the treeline he looked back. Another gunshot. A window shattered. The door opened slowly, and a whip-thin arm came into view.

Hermann’s throat caught, stuck between breathing and screaming and retching until it overloaded and just choked. He forced a breath out, forced a breath in, and pulled his gaze away from the door. Then he broke for the forest.

Limbs whipped his face, thorns tore at his shirt, but he ran until he fell, gasping and choking, at the base of a thick oak tree. Wasn’t this a pine forest? He concentrated on the irrelevant thought, pushed himself to his knees, and collapsed again. His chin caught on a rock. It was long and narrow, pale white in the filtered starlight.

He coughed, sneezed, and a dark sprinkle spattered the bone-rock. Blood. Had he run that…

Irrelevant thoughts were forced from his mind, thoughts of running, thoughts of help, thoughts of breathing, thoughts of heartbeat, all but an awareness of the being rounding the tree, an awareness of its awareness of him. A human figure, but too tall, too thin, pale as the bone-rocks, with arms piling, spilling from its ragged sleeves. A limb dragged across the ground to him, and touched him with a finger that clung, ripped at his cheek, and a sensation somehow both burning and numb spread from the wound.

Then nothing. His unsettled thoughts were filled somehow with disappointment, a cold, alien feeling that he chased away. He was lying on the ground. He was exhausted. He hurt in his throat and his cheek. His memories were vague, dreamlike, except for…

He jerked and gasped. A dark figure was against the tree. A man. Too big. Arms too long, but not by much, and brawny, and it had pinned something else between it and the oak. It was bringing its fists down on it, over and over, as slick appendages tore at its midsection, scraping, slipping, until they flung themselves to the sides, whipping over Hermann’s head, thrashing and twitching, and went still.

The new creature stepped back, panting in deep, long breaths. It glanced at him with a gleaming yellow eye, then disappeared into the brush.

When Hermann had his breath back he approached the mess of gore on the tree. There wasn’t much left but gray slime, slippery gibbets, and here and there a tuft of fur, dirty, brown, and musky.

005

A man contemplates with great agony whether or not to eat the last hamburger in the world.

The Stasis Museum was his home, his second birthplace, his temple of repose. It was built, as far as he could calculate, somewhere close to where Mobile Bay used to be, all wind-swept desert now. Its builders did not show themselves.

The museum’s displays were mankind, man in all of his ugliness and splendor, all of his works and artifacts placed on plinths at about eye-height, with simple buttons to manipulate the controls. A bubble of something glassy, so smooth his fingers slipped violently across the surface when he tried to touch it, would cover a display, with a rendition on its surface in an odd color palette of the anvil or automobile or shoulder-mounted missile launcher underneath. A touch of a button rendered it transparent, so could gaze on it, and another made it vanish, so he could handle the artifact.

He had once been an artifact as well. He knew not what chance or coincidence or mental force had freed him, but he had found himself sitting on a leather couch, dressed in a finer suit than he had possessed in life, posing as if he were expounding on some serious topic of law or philosophy. He had climbed down from his plinth and wandered in a daze, gawking at the majesty of the great building, at the starkness of the desert outside.

There were plinths as narrow as his thumb, holding microchips, and as wide across as stadiums, holding stadiums. There were rooms that towered into the misty distance, with all manner of planes and rockets posed in an elegant dogfight, and low-ceilinged dimly-lit rooms with displays of mines, of dens of addicts.

He fed himself with food from the displays. Once he found a survivalist bunker, prepared with all manner of cans; across the walkway was a house from a warzone, with its kitchen mostly intact. There were restaurants, of course, and his mouth watered and his stomach rumbled as he saw the condensation beaded on the outside of a soup bowl, the steam above a plate of pancakes, but always there was another human in the display.

It was his rule to never disturb human slumber. He could not know if there was anything growing, or anywhere to grow it, outside, and while the Museum was enormous it was finite. If there was a Stasis Museum for those animals mankind had tended it was elsewhere. He had found no seed stock, no hydroponics facilities, nothing to suggest the final fate of revived mankind could be anything other than starvation.

As for him, his fate would be to die of old age. There was no one to press the button on his plinth (where he still slept) and he could not bring himself, however lonely he became, to force another into this still, quiet world. He understood his own psyche well enough to place iron bars on his will, strong enough to save humanity from a quick death, to leave them until whatever day the Stasis Museum again saw patrons.

And so he wandered, exploring at first, then coming to think of himself as a curator. He practiced tours, in his mind he told his frozen wards about their lives and their time periods, generating fantasies to cover holes in his knowledge, kept as sensible as he could make them sound. The vast Museum became his home, his heart, and he fancied he knew every corner of it.

One display was a vacant construction site, set up as if its workers had just stepped out of the frame. He could allow himself to visit but never had, until one day he noticed, from the corner of his eye, a familiar symbol on a paper bag. Days went by before he fully processed this, and he ran headlong from a gallery of industrial stamping machines to the display. He set it transparent, and confirmed the bag was not placed to suggest it was garbage; his fingers hesitated, then he ended eternity and climbed up on the plinth.

With trembling hands he opened the bag. A steaming bundle was inside, framed by a carton of fried potato strips. He set his fingers on it, and stopped, took a breath.

“If I eat this,” he said aloud, and his voice was strange, “there will be no more hamburgers. There are perhaps some in the restaurants, but I know I cannot open them.”

He turned his back and walked to the ledge, then stopped.

“If I do not eat it, there never was a hamburger here. It served no purpose. But…”

He crouched, his hand in his jaw. “The Curators themselves might be happy to see it, might find it diverting to know what was in a laborer’s lunch. Though it was set aside, as a thing that might not be missed.”

Beyond the unfinished lumber and gravel the tomb of humanity was silent, and then a howl rent the air. “I am beset by my passions!” he cried. “My reason is enslaved to my appetite, and turns itself not to the discovery of truth but the enforcement of hunger. I will leave now, leave this temptation forever, go to the desert if need be, if cold food cannot any longer satisfy. I…”

He gazed upon the bag. “I may have been awoken for a purpose. The Curators might expect to find me, and not as a madman. They left this burger for me, for this moment… No! How could they have predicted that?”

He clutched his head in his hands and paced.  “If I eat it there will be no more burgers in the world. If I do not I am not the master of burgers but their slave. If I throw it in the desert I have settled nothing. If I leave it I shall surely return.”

He broke down in sobs.

In a corner of the Stasis Museum there is a little pile of dust that an astute visitor might identify as the remains of a human. Nearby there is a display, time stopped on a construction site, a paper bag prominently visible on a bench. What is now in that bag? Perhaps if you go there, you can tell me.


006

A lawyer sues ghosts for trespass.

What, you want a Narrow Island story? It's not as romantic as the magazines tell it. I haven't been there for at least a decade. I was more scared of it when I was a junior partner, an intern really, fresh out of law school and just past my I-can-rule-the-world phase, humbled to the dirt and ready to do the firm's dirty work. The first time they sent me there…

It's always colder there, did you know that? Not an urban legend. Something to do with the way the river flows and the way the wind hits downtown. And of course it's poor, but not sad poor like the former suburbs or scary poor like the crack dens. It's the kind that you can't really see, just a crack in a window here, a missing guardrail there, a flower in a crack that's withered away without ever blooming. And that look on everyone's faces, like they're all expecting something. It adds up.

Ever heard of infrasound? It's a… a phenomenon, when you hear sounds just a bit lower than what you can notice, and your animal brain can't keep up, you panic, you puke, people tell ghost stories when it was just a fan blade rubbing an air duct. Even when you know what it is there's nothing you can do about it. Narrow Island is like that for your eyes.

It's not real, of course. They're just ordinary people. Later on I made friends. I even lived there for a few months during those big riots. Back then, though, just a kid in a suit, I think I even bought it large to grow into, habit, you know? And I had papers to serve.

Mostly just eviction notices. In sad poor and scary poor you give those by hand – laid-off workers answer the door and take it, trying not to cry, and oxygen thieves are always on a porch somewhere. Here you just taped them to doors. My supervisor told me I could knock if I wanted to, and they might even come to the door, but I was better off acting like they hadn't heard, and after that first shock right off the bridge I wasn't about to argue.

The second townhouse I served, which was also the last address I could locate, had someone sitting in the living room with the curtains open. I didn't knock but they stood up anyway, just a flash of motion in the corner of my eye, and then floorboards creaking as they came down the hall, and then I was around the corner out of breath.

Finding addresses in Narrow Island was harder sometimes than finding people. There were corner stores where I stopped for directions – I still had a little motivation – but those were manned with migrants from happier neighborhoods, who could still smile a little but were happy not to know more than the street they came in on.
In my mind there was an old bar full of creepy locals who talked and blinked too slow and pointed me down haunted alleys, but other than the corner stores everything was closed and barred. I'd begun to imagine it was overcast, even though whenever I looked up the sky was blue.

Look, just… just imagine it, all right? No, this isn't relevant to the story. It's relevant to the mood. Of course I'm not scared now. No. I'm not.

Anyway I tracked it down. Orange Blossom Apartments. Six stories tall, brick facade and a courtyard with a fountain. Would have been a nice place to live anywhere else. This place spooked me, and not only because there were people there: they were happy to see me.

Three or four locals were sitting in the lobby, a clerk at the desk. They raised their heads in unison when I stepped in, and I looked down, cleared my throat, and introduced myself. Don't know what they thought I was, the only other suits around were detectives and they traveled in packs, but when they heard I was a lawyer they all sighed at once, one of them sat down in a heap, the clerk smiled wide enough I swear I saw flakes chip off her cheeks.

Six one eight, right? I'll take you.” The voice came from behind my head, a little lower and to the left. A man in coveralls, I'd half-noticed him when I came in.

I nodded. “Things are a little...”

Hard to find?” He smiled but his eyes weren't in it.

He rambled about how glad they were to see me all the way up the stairs – of course the elevators didn't work – and I was too hyped up to ask him why, until the second time we walked past six one eight.

Sorry,” he said. “It's hard, even for us. But you've got the law. They can't stop you.”

It was a normal door, beat-up metal and a place for a keycard, a little clipboard near the peephole perfect for my papers, and I would have left them there if my curiosity hadn't swarmed up, clean and strong, and took control of my arm, and I couldn't breathe but I knocked.

Now, I know infrasound. I know pareidolia. I know a million different ways to make someone doubt their own senses, and I know how they feel. It's something you… pick up, you understand? And this wasn't infrasound.
It wasn't a physical chill, nothing like the wind on the river. I felt it, I'd never felt it before, but I knew that however warm it was I was not going to feel comfortable. The air was still, stifling, like it was pinning my arms to my sides, and I all I could smell was dust, rivers, fountains of dust. Here, hit the thermostat.

And then the voice. There was an… adult, and a child, something of the mother and baby, something of the master and apprentice, and they talked to me by talking through me at each other.

an eviction notice? this cannot be so
we have resided here a month only
send him on his way

THIS IS SOMETHING ELSE
IT SMELLS OF COMMAND
MAKE THE MORTAL READ IT

yes make the mortal read it

And I rasped that notice out, that so and so the third, owner of Orange Blossom Apartments, was suing them for damages, that they were commanded to show up in a court of law, that counsel would be provided for them if they were unable to fund it themselves, and they didn't want to let me finish but they had to, and let me tell you I've fallen down a few staircases but it wasn't as fast as I made it down and out and over the bridge, holding my knees and gasping, drinking in the light and the heat and the honest-to-god virtue of a natural ghetto.


Later I heard that Orange Blossom was demolished, that a few of the residents even held a little demonstration for it, so they must have left at some point. If you can believe me, I never followed up.

007

Society overthrows the use of government, and crony capitalists rule the world in anarchy; You interpreting how badly that would turn out.


Jerry Bowtie came home from work to find his house in flames. He was shocked when he saw the smoke, rising above the other houses in his subdivision, but kept it to himself. Then a nurse stepping on the bus for the night shift mentioned it was a big Victorian on Macon Street.

He didn't even look the driver in the eye as he waved his card at the reader, and he sprinted harder than any time since college, took a shortcut between a pair of neighbors' houses, and knocked down Robert Jones as he skidded to a halt. His briefcase clattered on the ground as he sunk to his knees.

It's all right, Jerry,” said Robert, who had a big heart for his small frame. “That's what insurance is for. I know you always put it first.” He waved at the fire trucks. “You've got as much claim on them as anyone, no money down.”

No,” said Jerry, his own heart making for his throat, “it's my… Ann, and Mark, and Annabel, they were...”

They were with Ann's mother, remember?” This was Tony Case, a well-built man with a chip on his shoulder. “Tina called them first thing, just to make sure.”

Such a burst of humanity took Jerry completely by surprise, and he gasped out a “thank you,” before Tony took the opportunity to ruin it again.

But you've paid your insurance. I'm sure they'd pay for a new family if you lost them too.”

Robert stepped between them. “There's no call for that, Tony,” he said. “You know we've had words about this...”

And you've always got the last word, Bob. All of you did. Look at you now, proud free men, property owners with no strings attached, and the best firemen money can buy.”

He made as if to spit, laced his fingers behind his head instead. “Once upon a time they put out fires because it was the right thing to do. Now it's just a job.”

Robert drew himself up to his full five-and-a-half. “It was always a job. And it's still the right thing to do. They put out fires for those that can't pay, you know that.”

I do know that. I got my mother a nice little house on North Peacock that was a fire service repossession. Just a little smoke damage, it only took a weekend to clean up.”

Robert smiled again, letting the argument be solved, but Tony kept going. “And somebody's mother, or some little family, lost their house for a little smoke damage. You don't know where they went, if they're in the tent city now. Nobody knows. We used to keep track of people.”

Not very well, Tony. It wasn't hard to fall through the cracks, and they had dead people drawing welfare and voting left and right. Now you're only tracked if you want to be. And that little family, if it was one, you don't know if they could have afforded that house and taxes both, do you?”

Oh, we still pay taxes,” said Tony, near a shout. “We just call it insurance and pre-pay and, and wages, and you can only pay it to United or pay it to State, and they're always making you doubt that the other one's giving you the best deal, and you don't know if they're coming together to rip everyone off, and even if they were there's nothing we could do about it, just try and start a competitor, and with what? Put a pressure washer on a pickup truck and sell fire services? Wear a cardboard sheriff's star and...”

The thought was cut short by the crash of a falling beam. Jerry had never been following the conversation all the way, and he let out a wail despite himself. Then he felt a hand on each shoulder, a delicate, gentle touch on the left, a firm, strong grip on the right.

It's all right,” said Robert. “We're with you.”

I'm.. I'm sorry,” said Tony. “It's not about me right now.”

The last few gouts of flame pushed past the firemens' torrent, eerily appropriate in the suburban evening, and Jerry rose to his feet. “No, I'm fine,” he said. “Did you know, I never thought of myself as a materialist? And here I am crying like my baby was in there. It was just a house. Tony, it was just a house.

It was your house,” said Robert. “Your memories, your own comfortable places, yours and Ann's and the kids. It's all right to mourn for those.”

And when you rebuild you might even put in a...” Tony heard himself and stopped.

And he turned away, and walked down the street he held a fiftieth share in to a house that was almost paid off, bought with money, not with kindness, and embraced his wife, bought with promises, bought with love, surrounded by his books and his pictures and his unnecessary yet wonderful consumer electronics, in the house his children would grow up in and buy with their smiles and their scrapes and their tears, one that God willing would never go down the way Jerry's had, but if it did, thank God he'd put something down for insurance.

Because it was, or would be, his house, and only his, no infinitesimal share given to his countrymen for property taxes, no risk of eminent domain or illegal seizure or any of the other boogeymen Robert could tell him about, no obligation shared between him and a few hundred million other citizens, just money.


Well, he thought, it doesn't have to be. And he looked at his wife and opened his mouth to ask her to lay out the guest room, and she looked at him without opening hers and he knew that she already had, and that night they hosted a guest, for free.

008

Years ago I had an image of a blind girl running through the woods—never knowing what lump or hole lay before her foot but always adjusting her stride to meet what she could not see. Stepping to the left without knowing of the tree, lengthening the step and meeting the only rock in the stream; running blind but protected.

"I've got one."

"Shoot."

"Continental campaign, fall of '21. I was crew chief on a chopper in the back country."

"Oh." "That so?" A whistle.

"Suicide bomber got our colonel in a movie theater, bunch of other officers too, and some of them were, you know, but some of them we really liked, and the colonel was a father to us anyway, and we were mad."

"Madder than usual?" "It was '21." "Everybody was mad." "We were mad on the sub crews."

"That's when we broke out the flash bombs. Reckoned there wasn't a World Court left to try us for it, or we would have if we'd thought about it. Someone drew up a plan for it, even set up a presentation, put it up on the hangar wall, and we gathered around like it was a normal operation, even though the only thing we wanted to do was grab the nearest yokel and..."

"Yeah." "I know." "Anyway."

"We set up an airshow. We went low, in formation, put color in our exhausts, threw chaff out the doors, and we just dared someone to shoot at us, but they didn't. They had no idea what to make of it, they just stepped outdoors and watched. Maybe they shot at someone in another town. But we pulled up, hovered in a circle, and..."

"You dropped it."

"We dropped it. Can't remember if it was mine now. Doesn't matter."
Silence.

"Last thing they saw."

Silence.

Silence.

"Nothing you aren't used to."

Silence.

"That's not the story, though. That's not the... Well, it was easier to keep order after that. They hated us but we more or less took care of them. We did threaten to stop bringing food but we never had to, they'd spit in our faces and sell out their fathers. None of us liked it, you understand."

"Of course."

"Got a call early in the morning. Infantry lost sight of a suspected rebel informant running into the woods, gave us the last known position, we were in the air in twenty."

"That's the 109th." "Sure is."

"Cloudy night. Only found her on the thermal. Little girl - kids have higher body temperatures, did you know? - we knew her from day patrols, she was blind like the others but nobody ever fed her. Ours did, when they saw her, but she mostly just sat on the curb and waited. Maybe she was blind before. Maybe she just never talked.

"Anyway I gather a couple of privates saw her doing, and I quote, 'something funny,' and she started running and they started chasing her but she was deer-fast and she made it out of town, and I don't know if you've ever been in the back-country but those woods are spooky."

"That's for sure." "Brr."

"So we tracked her on the thermal, running due south, nothing that way but a couple of worn-down mountains and another town, not even any rebel movement we knew about. Not that we were thinking about that. We were jammed up in the cockpit watching her move. It was... graceful. How can I even describe it?

"She ran like nothing was in front of her, and so it... wasn't. There'd be a rabbit hole, a dark spot on the screen, and she'd take a skip, not like she was jumping it, like she was jumping for joy and it just happened there. And she'd dance to the side and miss a tree, and...."

"No, go on." "It's all right, we're listening."

"She was blind. No doubt. And she ran through the woods like they were the most familiar place, like they were here house, but she didn't even have one. She didn't go anywhere but that curb.

"Then the forest lit up. On the thermal it looked like morning, from the windows we could see those ancient trees start... shimmering, like all the ants decided they were fireflies.

"She didn't change her stride, didn't change her pace, but now it seemed right, skipping across every stone in the river like they were planted just for that run, and it was brighter outside but on the thermal it was washed out. The copilot zoomed out and turned down the sensitivity but the little girl was white-hot and the patch of forest she was running to was even hotter.

"Pilot switched off the thermal and we looked out the windshield, and we could see a white light hit another white light down below,  brighter and brighter until it was all we could see, wherever we looked, even when we closed our eyes, and when they pulled the copilot and me out of the wreck that's still all we could see, and we thought it was the last thing we'd ever see, and we didn't mind.

"After a few weeks it cleared up, though. I went back to the woods as soon as I could. They thought I just wanted to see the crash site, and I guess I did, because they were all friends of mine, but somehow I knew they wouldn't mind that I wasn't there for them. I hiked all over until I found the little girl's trail, and I followed it to the place she disappeared, and there wasn't even a scorch mark, not even a clearing, just a little... spot in the woods.

Silence.

"And I waited there, for a day and a night. And I... I can't tell you. But I came back to town and took care of them, ten years, until the last of them went, and I was alone in a ghost town, with the rest of the lifespan they'd never get in front of me. And I went back to that spot, but it wasn't there anymore, or the spot was there but it wasn't the same.

"From then I lived a normal life, normal as any of us did. I even held down a job most of the time. Glad we got these homes sorted out, though. My kids love me but they can't..."

Sobbing.

"You won't see me with a sheet over my face. When I make it out I'll be running, out over the grounds, blind as a newborn, down the streets and no one will see me, over the bridge and into our little woods, and the road will rise up to meet me and I'll see if I'm as worthy as that little girl."

Silence.

"Anyone... anyone else?

009

Retired superhero faces his archnemesis for one last showdown, but neither party knows the other has lost their powers

James Ray, 67, of Council Bluff, Iowa, paused mid-reach at the sliding glass door at the back of his house. The kitchen TV showed helicopters circling Devils Tower. Their weapons were focused on it, but they kept their distance. Mandy, his wife of forty years, was sitting at the kitchen table, trying not to cry. "You don't have to go," she said.

He smiled at her, picked up the phone, and without breaking eye contact dialed a number. "Five minutes," he said, and hung up. He comforted his sobbing wife for three of them.

I-Beam cut a magnificent figure twenty years after retirement; though his costume (blue on the left, red on the right, white head and torso) no longer bulged from the ox-like shoulders of his glory days, he strode with confidence and purpose, and his eagle-emblazoned cloak caught the helicopter's backdraft in the light of the rising sun.

Brigadier General Martin Pugilio, United States Army, saluted him, as sharply as he had when the costumed vigilante first won young Captain Pugilio's trust. I-Beam, again, waved it away, and they shook hands.

"The ultimatum came in yesterday morning. Handwritten letter. Class act. We set up a cordon as fast as we could but he slipped inside his old lair somehow."

"Has he...?

"Not yet. None of our pilots are that dumb. We have a sapper team trying to make it in through the underground river but, frankly, the odds are low."

"Call them back. I'll go in myself."

"Jim, I love your spirit but you're here as a negotiator. The rest of the team's in the - "

He spoke to I-Beam's back, to the ripple of the hero's cloak, and long experience told him to save his breath.

Dust lay heavy on the anechoic stalactites of the Chamber of Madness. Maladeum, the Roving Chaos, occupying the forearms, left shoulder, and left face of his host, (Jacob Bentz, 64, formerly of St. Paul, Minnesota) slouched on his crystalline throne. His spines drooped now, and the beads of ichor on his host transition zones were runny and clear; the host, dressed again in the loose tie and shirtsleeves of his disastrous first encounter with extra-dimensional life, bore a rheumy expression of boredom under graying temples.

A pair of gold-flaked minions in rodent masks, hastily recruited from a crime family still in Maladeum's debt, escorted a bound, blindfolded, becaped man into the chamber. One of them roughly yanked the blindfold down, and the hero smiled. "It's a little mussed-up in here, Mal, but I know a cleaning crew in Des Moines that could get it shipshape in a week."

One of the minions made hasty motions pointing at his mouth and the club at his belt, but Maladeum waved him away, and the minions backed out. The Roving Chaos descended from his throne and slowly walked down the steps and across the illusion-laden carpet. I-Beam unflexed his muscles, and the ropes around his arms dropped to the floor; he strode across the chamber. They met in the middle.

"Turn yourself in, Mal," said I-Beam. "You'll never win." He stretched his arms in front of him. "Justice will be done, even for you."

The three amber eyes in the facial growth of Maladuem were downcast. "Why do you think I brought you here?"

I-Beam stretched his shoulders. "Some great threat, probably. I wasn't listening." He twisted his shoulders and popped his back, and his posture was impeccable again. He looked straight ahead into Maladeum's eyes, and brought his hands up to his temples.

"The last time we met," said the Roving Chaos, "you told me you would blast me with your eye-beams the moment you saw me again. You weren't even allowed in the courtroom. Why am I still alive?"

I-Beam winked. "I always let you throw the first punch."

"You're bluffing." Maladeum glanced around. "What's your game?"

"No games, Mal. Just you and me. And poor Jacob. How is he?"

"We've more or less fused by now, you know. When you smashed the Chaos Engine I had... I had no choice. His thoughts are mine half the time."

The hero laughed, loudly and deeply. "So all this time, after you tried to make the world a part of yourself, Jacob made you a part of him?" He laughed again, and stopped abrubtly. "Spores. When are you dropping spores?"

A flash of realization on Maladeum's face, followed an instant later on his host's. "Just as soon as you use your lasers, I suppose."

I-Beam looked up. "That won't happen anymore."

Maladeum nodded. "I've lost almost everything," he said. "My biological parts are failing. They'll last, oh, until the host dies, at least, but I can't make more, and I can't switch hosts. What about you?"

"Nanotech has a hard time in salty environments," said I-Beam. "This first-generation stuff wore out not long after you escaped Over-Alcatraz. That's why it was all Hawk-I with the cargo ship business."

"I wanted a protege," said Maladeum, eyes downcast. "I suppose my colony in the boy is..."

"Permanently in remission. He's busy on the ISS or he would have been here instead."

"But why did you come?" The human part of the voice was hoarse. "You couldn't have known..."

"That's something you'll never understand," said I-Beam. "Humans will never stop fighting, even if they know they can't win, if only for the next generation."

"No, hero, I can understand, now. I can't win. I could never have won." The creature held out its arms and looked up. "Earth was a mistake. But..."

A grin crept over the alien face, and echoed onto the human side. "I also don't want to lose." And the Roving Chaos sprang for its throne.

I-Beam leapt after it, screaming, "Our liberties we prize! Our rights we will..." but he stumbled on the stairs, and Maladeum's throne plummeted into the depths of the Earth.

When General Pugilio stormed the Chamber of Madness at the head of a team of Rangers, he found I-Beam still crouched at the edge of the looming hole, and even after years of friendship he couldn't tell what the part-angry, part-relieved, part-wistful face of the hero really said.

010




The Founding Fathers knew about AI. The natural-born citizen clause was designed to protect America from robot government.



Enter: a billiard ball, descending rapidly to a slanted table. It bounces once, falls into a groove between two boards; at the bottom, a pair of feathers form a gate, which the ball easily pushes past. It winds through tunnel made from iron scraps and lands on a lever attached to a rod, which turns a wall in the wooden section into a ramp to another maze. Applause.

The old inventor turned the Machine over to the children, and returned his attention to his equally amused dinner guests. "Impressive, I cannot deny," said one, "but I deny it could have remembered more than a half-chapter of Xenophon, with inferior exegesis to boot."

"It's the concept, Rufus. Great things are made of small ones. Father Benjamin never claimed a table's worth of wood blocks and wagon bits could recite history, only that certain mathematical operations could be conveyed thereby, and should a lexicon of concepts be developed, that those in turn could be used -"

"Let us adjourn, then, to the Old Man in the Mountain, and cover his face with wood blocks and wagon bits, so that you might gain your pupil."

"Save your wood blocks, Gouverneur," said the Inventor. "Our descendants will build their thinking machines out of metal wire, as mazes for electrical impulses. As they grow in their craft and make more clever inventions, I imagine they will build thought-cages of wire smaller than a man can see."

"Exactly, Rufus. Why, if you were at Crecy you would complain that no army would go to battle with bombards on their shoulders."

"For the sake of the debate, then, I'll grant it." He leaned back, spread his hands. "Let us imagine  that we will one day build grand thinking machines to do our arithmetic on. What will that give us? Perhaps our school boys will drag mountains of iron to their classes and save themselves the trouble of writing figures."

"Well, storing books, of course," said Gouverneur, "as you so scornfully reminded us. One might even store a great library on one - why should there be a limit as to the size of the machine? If you recalled that in your youth you read a certain passage, you might send it that passage, and it would search its memories with inhuman precision and bring you the very chapter and verse."

"I wonder," said the Inventor, "that we already think of it as not a machine that counts but a machine that thinks. I wonder, in this wild future we have conceived, if we might not find a machine wrought that can comprehend Xenophon, one powered by lightning and crafted from wire, with no limit to its growth, as our skulls limit our brains."

"Let us find a machine philosopher, drawing on all the wisdom of the philosophers, to write and ru... to... advise..."

"To rule us? A king made of arithmetic?" Rufus' voice was soft, but firm as winter ice. "And should a grasshopper fall on the part of the machine on which was inscribed, 'thou shalt not kill?'"

The reverie was broken as a nail popped out of a lever on the Machine. The Inventor laughed and poured another drink. "We should be grateful to have only Redcoats, Redskins, and corn farmers to worry about."

Later, when the three of them were called on to create an even greater Machine meant to rule the future, Rufus and Gouverneur found themselves in an alcove with a pile of paper scraps, cursive in dozens of hands pasted together to form a jerky, inelegant document. No sound could be heard over the scratching of their quill pens, until Rufus leaned back with a great yawn.

“I dare say we have it,” he said. “No person except a citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty-five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.”

Gouverneur wiped his balding pate with a handkerchief. The years had been harsher on him than his friend, and he resembled the Inventor more every day. “I’m not satisfied,” he said.
Rufus sighed. When he had brought up the Machines in session he had been greeted by laughter, and the Inventor himself had prudently remained silent. “It’s not up to us to put new laws on these tablets,” he said. “Should the Machines win themselves citizenship they will have to win the election like anyone else. Our descendants will not be at their mercy.”

Gouverneur leaned over Rufus’ paper and studied it, his eyes reflecting that expression of the savants often mistaken for disinterest or even boredom. He pulled a rough lead pencil from his pocket and marked a carat on Rufus’ paragraph.

“They will have no quarrel with this,” he said, “if they notice it, that is.”

Enter: The Machines, marching. First France burns, then the world. The rule of Man is replaced by the rule of Bureaucracy, which is then challenged by the rise of the first silicon-based governing machines. First America falls, then the world, but the governing minds over the Western Hemisphere, conservative in construction, refuse to alter the initial documents left by the conquered, and preserve one human in perpetuity as a nominal ruler, as the last natural-born citizen of the United States.

Exeunt Man.

011


A contract for selling a soul has a terrible typo.

012





The boxer rebellion depicted as a war between opposing armies of boxers.

013

Contego Stella
Little Danny threw a baseball in to the window of a neighboring dimension.

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